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What I Wish My Father Told Me |Principles from a Son Who Became a Man in His Absence

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What I Wish My Father Told Me |Principles from a Son Who Became a Man in His Absence

A message to my younger self, and to any boy growing up without a father.

To the Boy Without a Father

I know what it feels like to grow up without a father.

To wonder what his voice might’ve sounded like when he was proud of you.
To imagine his hand on your shoulder, steadying you through the storms.
To crave the look in his eyes that says,
"You’re enough. You’ve got what it takes. I’ve got you."

But I didn’t get that.
And maybe you didn’t either.

So let me give you something else
The gift his absence gave me:
The chance to become the man I needed.

You see,
Not having him taught me presence.
The silence carved out space for truth.
The ache gave birth to awareness.
The void… became a doorway.

Through every year of pain and becoming,
I’ve picked up lessons like stones.
And I’ve carried them across the fire
So that you wouldn’t have to walk barefoot through the same flames.

So if no man has told you this yet, let it be me:

You are worthy of love.
You are not missing something.
You are not broken.
You were never too much, or not enough.
You were always everything you needed to be
Even in the chaos.
Especially in the absence.

Strength is not the absence of emotion.
Masculinity is not measured by how much you suppress.
A real man learns how to hold himself through the storm
with tenderness and courage.
With humility and presence.

I used to ask,
"Why didn’t he stay?"
But now I understand
He gave me the chance to rise.
To remember.
To become.

And now, if I ever have a son
Or if I’m speaking to the boy in you
Know this:

You don’t have to repeat the story.
You don’t have to become him.
You get to become you.

And you are already enough.

Keep going, young man.
I see you.
I believe in you.
And I’ll meet you at the fire.

Big love,

Rory

💠 1. Feel Everything — Fully

Crying is not weakness. It’s the truth leaving your body.
Your emotions are messengers — not enemies.
Feel deeply. Grieve completely. Then rise.

💠 2. Protect What Is Sacred

Your energy is sacred.
Your body is a temple.
Your word is a spell.
Protect all three with presence and purpose.

💠 3. Pain Is Part of the Passage

You will be broken.
Let it shape you, not define you.
Every wound is a doorway.
Walk through.

💠 4. You Are the Father Now

To your inner child.
To the next generation.
To the man you are becoming.
Be the one you needed — now.

💠 5. Purpose Isn’t Found — It’s Remembered

What sets your soul on fire was always inside you.
Stillness reveals it.
Your gifts are not random. They're responsibility in disguise.

💠 6. Do Hard Things with a Soft Heart

Strength is not the absence of gentleness.
It is the marriage of courage and care.
Be both the lion and the lamb.

💠 7. Learn to Let Go, Again and Again

People, versions of yourself, identities, dreams.
Release with love, not resistance.
Make space for who you’re meant to become.

💠 8. The Feminine Is Your Teacher, Not Your Enemy

She will trigger your healing, not your ego.
When she calls for your presence, respond with reverence.
Lead with devotion, not domination.

💠 9. Brotherhood Will Save You

You were never meant to carry it alone.
Find men who reflect your truth and challenge your shadows.
Choose brotherhood over bravado.

💠 10. You Are Not Behind. You Are Becoming.

This path is not linear.
Each detour is a divine delay.
Trust the unfolding — it’s sacred.

37 Lessons I Give My Younger Self

From the man I became in our father’s absence

1. You are not missing anything.

You are whole, even in your ache.

2. Feel everything.

Your emotions are not the enemy—they’re your compass.

3. Silence is sacred.

Sit in stillness. Truth will find you there.

4. Your body is a temple, not a battleground.

Nourish it. Move it. Rest it.

5. Strength is presence, not pressure.

You don’t have to carry everything alone.

6. You are allowed to cry.

Tears are how warriors soften their edges.

7. Do not confuse being busy with being purposeful.

Create space. That’s where meaning lives.

8. Anger is a messenger.

Listen to it. It often hides grief.

9. Lead with your heart, but protect your peace.

Boundaries are love in action.

10. Not everyone will understand you.

Be you anyway.

11. You don’t have to earn love.

You are love. Always have been.

12. Let go of shame—it was never yours to carry.

13. You are not what happened to you.

You are what you choose to become.

14. Make peace with your father.

Even if he never says sorry.

15. Your inner child is still alive.

He just wants to be held, not fixed.

16. Hurt people hurt people.

But healed men heal worlds.

17. Take responsibility, not blame.

Own your life, not your wounds.

18. You can be both soft and strong.

That is sacred balance.

19. The warrior knows when to put down the sword.

20. Comparison kills joy.

Run your own race. Trust your pace.

21. Nature will restore you.

Go to her often.

22. Seek mentors, not masters.

No man above you. No man below.

23. Choose purpose over performance.

24. Pain is a portal.

Walk through it with grace, not shame.

25. Be the man your future son would be proud of.

26. Forgive your younger self.

He was just surviving.

27. The world needs your grounded presence, not your perfection.

28. Make sacred what others rush through.

Mornings. Meals. Moments.

29. Celebrate your brothers.

Healthy men uplift each other.

30. Be the father you never had.

To yourself first.

31. Initiate yourself into manhood.

No one else will do it for you.

32. Wholeness is not found in a woman.

But she can mirror it.

33. Protect the feminine.

But do not rescue her from her power.

34. You will fall.

Get up slower. Rise wiser.

35. There’s no rush to arrive.

This journey is the sacred work.

36. You are a bridge between generations.

What ends with you frees those who come next.

37. You are your own medicine.

The man you were waiting for… was always you.

100 Divine Masculine Life Principles

A message to my younger self — and any boy growing up without a father

I. Self-Leadership & Sovereignty

  1. You are your own rescue.
  2. Discipline creates freedom.
  3. Make your bed. Then make your life.
  4. Do what you said you’d do — especially when no one is watching.
  5. Know the difference between instinct and impulse.
  6. You don’t rise to your goals, you fall to your systems.
  7. Energy is your greatest currency — invest it wisely.
  8. Stop outsourcing your power.
  9. Take radical responsibility — for everything.
  10. Be the mountain. Still, steady, unmoved by storms.

II. Inner Strength & Emotional Mastery

  1. Anger is a teacher — listen before reacting.
  2. Real strength is found in softness.
  3. Feel deeply — it’s how you heal fully.
  4. Emotions are data, not directives.
  5. Don’t numb — transform.
  6. Tears don’t make you weak. They make you real.
  7. Stillness is your superpower.
  8. Get good at being alone without being lonely.
  9. Learn to sit with your shadow without shame.
  10. Regulate your nervous system before you lead others.

III. Brotherhood & Community

  1. Brotherhood is earned, not given.
  2. Choose men who sharpen you.
  3. Find your mirror — not your echo.
  4. Iron sharpens iron, but only if you're willing to be forged.
  5. Call other men forward, not out.
  6. Never gossip — it weakens your integrity.
  7. A strong man celebrates others, not competes with them.
  8. Learn to hold space — not just take up space.
  9. Don’t just have friends — build a tribe.
  10. Heal the father wound by becoming the brother you never had.

IV. Love, Devotion & Sacred Union

  1. She is not yours — she is with you.
  2. Lead with presence, not pressure.
  3. She doesn't need you to fix her — she needs you to feel her.
  4. Be the safety you seek in her.
  5. Listen to understand, not to respond.
  6. Your depth will determine the depth of your love.
  7. Stop performing — start revealing.
  8. Polarity is born from presence, not power games.
  9. Love is an action, not just a feeling.
  10. When in doubt — slow down and open more.

V. Purpose, Mission & Legacy

  1. Purpose is remembered, not found.
  2. Work is a prayer when done with intention.
  3. Money is a tool, not a trophy.
  4. Never confuse movement with progress.
  5. Your legacy isn’t what you leave behind — it’s what you live now.
  6. Vision without execution is delusion.
  7. You were born for more — but not more things, more meaning.
  8. Your gifts aren’t random — they’re responsibility in disguise.
  9. Lead from service, not status.
  10. You are building what your future son will inherit.

VI. Body, Vitality & Movement

  1. Your body is your first home — treat it with respect.
  2. Strength is built through consistency, not intensity.
  3. What you eat, you become.
  4. Movement is medicine — stagnation breeds decay.
  5. Rest like a king, rise like a warrior.
  6. Walk barefoot. Connect to the earth.
  7. Sweat daily — it cleanses the mind.
  8. Lift heavy things — especially your burdens.
  9. Breathe with intention.
  10. Your posture is your prayer to life.

VII. Spirit, Truth & Sacred Masculine

  1. God is not found — God is remembered.
  2. Be in devotion to something greater than yourself.
  3. Your intuition is the voice of the divine within.
  4. The spiritual man walks quietly, but his presence roars.
  5. Meditation isn't escape — it's remembrance.
  6. Learn to hear what silence reveals.
  7. Your soul already knows — listen.
  8. The sacred masculine protects, provides, and penetrates with truth.
  9. Prayer is speaking — listening is where the magic is.
  10. Serve the soul, not the ego.

VIII. Rites of Passage & Initiation

  1. Your trials are your teachers.
  2. Embrace the fire — it’s forging your form.
  3. Initiation isn’t an event — it’s a lifestyle.
  4. To become a man, you must die as a boy.
  5. Pain carves the container for your power.
  6. Don’t skip steps — descend before you rise.
  7. Each challenge is a call to become more.
  8. The real warrior faces himself first.
  9. Growth begins when comfort ends.
  10. Earn your name in the silence of struggle.

IX. Masculine-Feminine Balance

  1. Balance your inner masculine with your inner feminine.
  2. Lead with direction, hold with love.
  3. Be fierce in your truth and soft in your presence.
  4. The divine feminine will test you — thank her.
  5. Your power is amplified by your ability to receive.
  6. Protect what is sacred, including your heart.
  7. Love her without owning her.
  8. Stand firm — but don’t close.
  9. Invite her flow — don’t control it.
  10. Remember: union, not domination.

X. Fatherhood & Legacy

  1. Be the father you never had.
  2. Teach through embodiment, not words.
  3. Show him how to cry, then rise.
  4. Be consistent — your presence matters more than perfection.
  5. Speak life into your children.
  6. Let your son see your softness.
  7. Lead your daughter with reverence.
  8. Pass on wisdom — not wounds.
  9. Your child will mirror your being, not your advice.
  10. Your father may not have stayed — but you will.

To the young man reading this: You were never alone. You were always being forged. In your absence, I found presence. In the silence, I found my voice. This is my gift to you. Rise, King.